Thursday, July 1, 2010

google docs.

so the other night,
i was getting ready
to go work on my fitness
at the ymc-YAY
when i spotted the neighborhood
mean cat - MAX outside
chasing after sweet BINGO cat.

luckily bingo was smart
enough to run his willowy
frame through our side gate
escaping max and his
large, non-gate-friendly head.

but i was very
upset that
max was PICKING on
bingo AGAIN.

they have a history.

and MAX used to be a stray.
and he was so sweet
and friendly.
and i called him liger.
because he had a giant
head like a lion
and a stripey body
like a tiger and
because i voted for pedro.

but then max disappeared
for a while.
and must have found
a home because suddenly
he had a new collar
with a tag that said
and a whole new attitude.
"F you, i own this place"

and i had seen this attitude
before. mostly in humans.
and mostly vendors
at the
farmer's market.

ha! i kid.

but i HAD seen
this attitude
before in max
and i was not


max has been bad news lately.
lots of neighborhood cat
fights - all involving max.
because he is now
a little punk.

and don't get me wrong.
i LOVE cats.
i am a cat person.
i would like to say i am also
a dog person but
they are a lot of work.
and i need to save my
energy for when
we have kids?

so i have always
stuck with cats.

we have a connection.
sometimes i think
maybe i WAS a cat in a
past life.

i mean i am VERY smart.
i like to have
my hair brushed,
love tuna (especially
the cranberry tuna from whole foods)
and i love to drink
cream out of a saucer
on the floor.


but i have had
lots of cats over the
last 30 years...

there was
paula (after abdul - late 80's)
pope? (he was my great uncles' -
who was, by the way,
not a catholic. huh.)
the little princess

molly was awesome.
not really a people person
but she loved me so.
when i was a little girl
and i would cry and run
to my room about something.
she would always come
to comfort me.
even if she was OutSIDE!
she would just KNOW!
and she would meow
to be let INside
and then come to my room.
so sweet.

i think my mom gave her away
to the wega's because
she started to pee all over the house.


then there was

and now we have pluffy.

but oh yeah...

so last night...MAX!
max was chasing bingo
and then couldn't get his
head through the gate
and i was walking to
my car trying to get
my bootay to gym class
and max was in front of me.
staring at bingo.

and i said

MAX! go!
and i stomped my foot.

and that crazy
liger jumped iN the AIR
and up my leg
and clawed both
legs and and bit
through my
with vampire cat fangs!



NOT nice.

i am punctured.
and bruised!

so i went to the doctor
because i did not want to
get rabies
and have to get
shots like that time
arnold got bitten
by that dog on
diff'rent strokes
and was GOING to
have to get
all those shots.
the thought
of needles makes
me pass out.


so i went to the doc.
and he was nice
and his voice sounded like
it should be selling
vegan butter
because it was
very smooth.

and he said to
just keep an eye on
said wound.

but as i was leaving
he decided to give me
a tetanus.

and then as i was
leaving again,
he apparently
googled "cat bites"
and saw that the
cdc recommends antibiotics.


but whatever.

so i got a prescription.

and max owes me $35
for my co-pays.

but i am afraid of him now
so i prolly
won't confront him about it.



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