google docs.

so the other night,

i was getting ready

to go work on my fitness

at the ymc-YAY

when i spotted the neighborhood

mean cat - MAX outside

chasing after sweet BINGO cat.

luckily bingo was smart

enough to run his willowy

frame through our side gate

escaping max and his

large, non-gate-friendly head.

but i was very

upset that

max was PICKING on

bingo AGAIN.

they have a history.

and MAX used to be a stray.

and he was so sweet

and friendly.

and i called him liger.

because he had a giant

head like a lion

and a stripey body

like a tiger and

because i voted for pedro.

but then max disappeared

for a while.

and must have found

a home because suddenly

he had a new collar

with a tag that said

"maximus."

and a whole new attitude.

an

"F you, i own this place"

attitude.

and i had seen this attitude

before. mostly in humans.

and mostly vendors

at the

farmer's market.

ha! i kid.

but i HAD seen

this attitude

before in max

and i was not

pleased.

sO!

max has been bad news lately.

lots of neighborhood cat

fights - all involving max.

because he is now

a little punk.

and don't get me wrong.

i LOVE cats.

i am a cat person.

i would like to say i am also

a dog person but

they are a lot of work.

and i need to save my

energy for when

we have kids?

so i have always

stuck with cats.

we have a connection.

sometimes i think

maybe i WAS a cat in a

past life.

i mean i am VERY smart.

i like to have

my hair brushed,

love tuna (especially

the cranberry tuna from whole foods)

and i love to drink

cream out of a saucer

on the floor.

not.

but i have had

lots of cats over the

last 30 years...

there was

peanut

pumpkin

paula (after abdul - late 80's)

pope? (he was my great uncles' -

who was, by the way,

not a catholic. huh.)

the little princess

molly...

molly was awesome.

not really a people person

but she loved me so.

when i was a little girl

and i would cry and run

to my room about something.

she would always come

to comfort me.

even if she was OutSIDE!

she would just KNOW!

and she would meow

to be let INside

and then come to my room.

so sweet.

i think my mom gave her away

to the wega's because

she started to pee all over the house.

traumatizing.

then there was

magic,

dinky

and now we have pluffy.

but oh yeah...

so last night...MAX!

max was chasing bingo

and then couldn't get his

head through the gate

and i was walking to

my car trying to get

my bootay to gym class

and max was in front of me.

staring at bingo.

and i said

MAX! go!

and i stomped my foot.

and that crazy

liger jumped iN the AIR

and up my leg

and clawed both

legs and and bit

through my

pantalones

with vampire cat fangs!

not. KIDDING.

and

NOT nice.

i am punctured.

and bruised!

so i went to the doctor

because i did not want to

get rabies

and have to get

shots like that time

arnold got bitten

by that dog on

diff'rent strokes

and was GOING to

have to get

all those shots.

the thought

of needles makes

me pass out.

passing...out...

so i went to the doc.

and he was nice

and his voice sounded like

it should be selling

vegan butter

because it was

very smooth.

and he said to

just keep an eye on

said wound.

GREAT!

but as i was leaving

he decided to give me

a tetanus.

and then as i was

leaving again,

he apparently

googled "cat bites"

and saw that the

cdc recommends antibiotics.

umm...googled?

but whatever.

so i got a prescription.

and max owes me $35

for my co-pays.

but i am afraid of him now

so i prolly

won't confront him about it.

so...uhhh...

peas.